Friday, January 10, 2014

Warrior Diaries: Rembrandt (Inspired by the movie "The Warriors")

July 29, 1978

Dear Diary,

Well, I have some very big news!  I am officially soldiering with The Warriors!  Last week I was just a skinny little nothing from the projects, and today I am part of the toughest gang in Coney!

So, what happened was that I was sitting outside on my stoop with my art pad and pencils, minding my own business.  Out of the corner of my eye I saw these two cats walking up the sidewalk toward my building.  They looked like real tough characters, so I tried my best not to attract their attention.  

Of course, they saw me.  The taller of the two cats started in with the whole, "Look at the diaper baby with his pencil.  Are you an artist, diaper baby?" business that I've heard a million times before.  I kept trying to ignore it, but before I knew what was happening the tall cat had snatched my pad right out of my hands!  He was about to rip the page I had been working on clean out when he caught sight of what I had been drawing. 

It was an impressionistic rendering of a reclining male nude.  

The two cats stood there looking at my picture, and I wanted to disappear.  They looked up at me very slowly and the shorter cat said, "You faggot, diaper baby?"  I laughed and made up a story about drawing the picture for my mom's birthday, which I guess is kind of weird in and of itself, but the cats seemed satisfied.  The shorter of the two said, "You draw really good, diaper baby.  Ever thought about forming a gang alliance?  We could use a cat with mad tagging skills." 

I told the cats sure, I was interested.  They told me about their clique - the Warriors.  I had heard of them.  Who in Coney hasn't?  They got a real heavy rep.  Their social worker would be afraid of them, if they had one!  They explained about nicknames - everyone in the gang had one (theirs were Ajax and Snow), and since they found me they would get to choose mine.  I hoped it wouldn't be Diaper Baby, and was relieved when the taller one said, "Hey, how about Rembrandt?  You know, like the painter?"    

Rembrandt.  I can dig it!

Ajax and Snow brought me to "Warrior Central," which is a warehouse behind an Italian deli that was once owned by Vermin's (another member of the gang) grandfather Tinto.  They told the guys about my art skills and I was received warmly, although I was told I would have to be initiated first.  I had heard about gang initiations, and, Diary, I was terrified!

The War Chief, Cleon, explained to me that they had a bowl full of eye-balls taken as trophies from cats the gang has wasted over the last several months.  Ajax chimed in and said, "Yeah, and you gotta squish your hands through the eyes for five full minutes!  Not a second less!"  

Well, you know as well as anyone that I have a weak stomach, so I was pretty queasy.  But when opportunity knocks you have to open the door and let it in, so I knew I would do whatever I had to do.  They led me into a dimly-lit room off the back of headquarters with just a table in the middle and a covered bowl.  I knew right away that it was THE BOWL, and immediately I started sweating.  They had me stand in front of the bowl and Cleon blindfolded me.  After I was good and blindfolded, all the dudes joined in on the special initiation chant.  They said it was top secret, but so are you, Diary, so I guess it will be okay to write down what they said!

Can this motha keep up the pace?
Can he smash an Orphan in the face?
Does he soldier hard and true?
Does he love it black and blue?
Warriors, Warriors, Warriors!

I placed my hands in the bowl and nearly fainted.  It was so visceral, so disgusting!  But I kept at it for the full five minutes.  The guys cheered and took the blindfold off my face.  I looked down in the bowl and saw that I had been squishing my hands through peeled grapes!  Well, the look on my face made all the guys start to laugh.  They clapped me on the back, offered me a tall, cool, Budweiser, and, well, diary, this little man was so excited that I started dancing right there.

I had made it!

For the last several days I have been covering Coney with giant red W's, and practicing my figure studies in private when nobody else is around.  The guys seem pleased with me so far, even looking out for me like a big brother would.  I try not to stay away for too long.  I don't want them to worry about me!  

There's a lot of excitement in the ranks over a big get-together one of the gang bosses is throwing in the city next week.  Looks like I'm finally on my way, Diary!

For now, all my love,

Percival (aka "Rembrandt")





No comments:

Post a Comment